{ christian kolos // design blog }

...Even if you do manage to cause your weapon's pixels to touch a monster's pixel, which is no small feat for someone with a non-responsive remote-control Frankenstein with a four inch knife, the monster is probably going to be okay since the game rolls an imaginary set of dice to see if you actually did damage. This is a lot like what it would be like if the Mario Brothers randomly exploded every few jumps...

The object of Beat 'em & Eat 'em is simple. You control two naked women who run back and forth trying to catch falling semen in their mouth. You might ask why someone would do something like that. Well, the manual says that each drop of this stranger's seed "could have been a famous doctor or lawyer." The problem with that, and this is an actual medical fact, is that whether you swallow sperm from the sky or let it splatter all over the sidewalk, it's going to give you the same number of famous baby lawyers - zero. Also, if someone is masturbating off a roof onto people's heads, chances are he's not the best gene stock